The Sequal
by valmontmerteuil
Summary: The beginning and everything I did doesn’t matter. All that matters is the end. The end of my life.
1. Chapter 1

You know, it's funny. As long as I knew Sebastian he kept a journal and I always made fun of him for it. Now, here I am, doing the exact same thing. Mind you it's not of my own free will. No, I'm being forced to. You see after my parents and everyone else found out about my little "habits" Tiffany and Edward decided that it would be best to put me into rehab. Thought it would help "make me clean". Ha what a joke. And on top of that, I also have to see a therapist twice a week. This stupid journal was her idea. She thinks it will help me relieve my stress and move on by writing everything down. She says I'm supposed to tell my story. Well to tell the truth most of my story is irrelevant. What I used to do has no bearing on why I'm here. She said to start at the beginning… well, the beginning doesn't matter. I suppose she wants me to write why I did drugs and hurt all those people so she can sneak in at night to read it and "figure me out." Well that's not happening cause the beginning and everything I did doesn't matter. All that matters is the end. The end of my life.

I stood on the steps of my high school staring out at the faces of the people who used to adore me. A tear fell. I don't usually cry, actually… I never do. Crying is a sign of weakness. I hadn't cried since I was seven. I know the term's totally cliché but I think that day changed my life. I had been shopping with my mother and had seen something I, as a spoiled little rich girl thought I was entitled to. My mother refused to buy it for me. I don't remember what exactly it was… but I'll never forget the lesson I learned because of it. I was upset because I was used to getting everything I wanted so I started crying. Then, my mother did something I had never and haven't to seen her do since. She hit me. My hand flew to my cheek. "Kathryn!" she told me in the coldest voice I, at the innocent age of seven had ever heard. I stared at her, the toy forgotten. "Do not cry. Crying is not the way to get what you want. Only the weak and stupid cry." That's something no child should have to experience.

Maybe, to someone else, this wouldn't have been as earth shattering, but I believe it tore out a part of me. I'm not saying it was this incident alone that made me the ice queen I am today, I don't know why I'm like this. Maybe I was born a hateful, vindictive bitch or maybe there was some crucial moment in my life that forever changed me. I'm not sure and to tell the truth I don't care. All I know is that I hadn't cried since that day. Then, that bastard had to go and pull my feet out from under me.

God! I hate him! I hate him for doing this to me! He was, of course the one person who ever could have made me cry, could have made me weak. If I had thought he had nothing to do with it and it was just that bitch Annette I wouldn't have cried. You see, despite what others may have thought, I wasn't crying for my ruined reputation. That's probably what Annette thought, what everyone thought. No one would believe it if they heard it. I wasn't crying because everyone finally knew who I really was and my Mary Sunshine act was torn to shreds, although that did nothing to ease my pain. No, I was crying because the one person I thought truly cared about me had betrayed me. Knowing that he had set up a plan for my downfall with Annette made me truly realize something. It made me realize something even him giving her the stupid journal didn't. Right at the moment Cecile gave me the booklet I knew, without a doubt, that he loved her.

Most people in my life probably think I'm incapable of feeling any genuine emotion. Well, despite how I may act, I am human. It would hurt any human to find out that the one person they cared about and thought would love then no matter what despised them. When that little twit handed me the journal I hated myself. I'd never felt any remorse for what I've done and then I found out he hated me. I stared down at what he had written about me and couldn't stop the tears. I thought he cared about me because he was like me. Then I found out. He was above me because he fell in love and turned his life around. Though I didn't believe him falling in love redeemed him it didn't change the fact that he loved her. I had no one. I was truly alone and everyone hated me. I was evil. I realized all this when I realized he didn't love me. For some reason I never cared about the people I hurt and never felt remorse because I thought he would always be there for me, always love me, always stand by me. Looks like I was wrong.

God I'm crying again. I hate him! I hate him for betraying me! I hate him for dying! I hate him for making me care! It's not supposed to be like this. We don't feel. Sebastian and I don't care about anything or anyone. We're cold-hearted, selfish fiends. Doesn't he realize what he's done? He's destroyed me! Not just my reputation but the very fiber of my being. God the one person who knew me hated me. I'm a bad person. I didn't deserve his love or anyone's love so I guess I got what I deserved. I'm destroyed. I'm as good as dead. I guess he got what he wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

It all started about a week ago. I was walking down the street in Hartford, Connecticut thinking about how horrible it place was. It's hell. Why would anyone choose to live here? I couldn't believe this is where they sent her. Why would Tiffany and Edward send her to a place they knew she would hate? A place that is the exact polar opposite of everything Kathryn. I guess that's what they wanted. Maybe they thought it would change her. They should know better. Kathryn will never change. So I guess she deserves this. She deserves everything she gets. It's funny; even as I thought it I couldn't help feeling bad for her. She must be miserable. I thought back to everything she's done to me. She'll get over it.

You see, when I woke up after being hit by that cab and was told I would live I vowed to wash my hands of Kathryn. I knew Annette and I would never be happy together if she was around, it turns out we wouldn't be happy together even hundreds of miles away from her. But, alas, I was pissed at Kathryn when I woke up. No, I was more than pissed… I was livid. I wanted revenge. As I had expected, Annette didn't want to go along with my plan at first. She thought maybe, if we just left, Kathryn would give up and leave us be. I knew her though. Kathryn wouldn't stop until we were miserable. After Kathryn and everyone outside my family were convinced I was dead we set our plan in motion. I wish I could have been there when Kathryn realized it was over. Her entire Mary Sunshine act was through. Annette said she cried, I don't believe that. After it was done, I left New York for good, I was done with Kathryn, or so I thought.

It seems now that everything was a waste. You see, maybe 3 months after Annette and I left New York our relationship started falling apart. It turns out we didn't need Kathryn around to ruin our relationship; we could do that on our own. She was right… we were just too different. After Annette and I were officially done I returned to New York and found out what had happened to Kathryn. At first, I was happy. I thought she had gotten what she deserved. I tried to carry on with my life but things just weren't the same without Kathryn. I couldn't stop thinking about her. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I had to see her.

I finally reached my destination. I tried to see her. Instead I met with her psychiatrist. She said it would be too traumatic for Kathryn to see me so soon. I told her I didn't care; I needed to know what she was thinking. She replied, "I believe it would be harmful to Kathryn's acceptance process if she were to see you but if you are indeed insistent on communicating with her in some way this is what I can offer you. Kathryn often talks about a journal you once kept. She said it was the cause of her downfall. I think the only real way to understand her is for her to do the same thing and then to go back and read it. I have already asked her to begin and I believe starting tonight she will be making an entry every night. I can allow you to read it on the condition that you will not try to see her until I have told you she is stable enough." I, of course, agreed.

Kathryn's first entry shocked me beyond belief. At first I thought it was forged by Kathryn's psychiatrist to hurt me but I realized it couldn't be. She couldn't know about what Kathryn's mother did to her, I doubted Kathryn has told her that much. I'm the only person she ever told… well as far as I know. God… I can't believe it even as I sit reading it. I've probably read it ten times by now. How is this possible? Kathryn is too strong to even think these things, let alone write them. Jesus she almost sounds suicidal. I can't believe I did this to her. She calls it the end of her life… it sounds too melodramatic to be Kathryn. How could finding out I was in love with Annette be the end of her life? I didn't think Kathryn felt that much for anyone, looks like she did… she just hid it well.

I can't believe the person I was in love with for so long was just as in love with me but was too afraid to show it. I have to see her. I have to talk to her.

Three hours after reading Kathryn's journal I was on my way to her rehab center. I ran inside and demanded to see her. Once again I saw her psychiatrist instead of her. God damn bitch told me she thought I should just leave Kathryn alone because she obviously didn't want to see me. I wanted to hit her. What journal has she been reading? The bitch had the nerve to say she obviously didn't want to see me because she had stated several times in her journal that she hated me. I tried to explain to her that it was all a misunderstanding but she refused to listen. She said I couldn't see Kathryn but if I still wanted to know what she was thinking I could keep reading her journal. I grudgingly accepted.


	3. Chapter 3

I wasn't going to write a beginning message for any of my stories but I wanted to warn you guys that this chapter isn't very good. I actually kind of lost my inspiration after the first one but I really wanted to continue this story because I have a whole idea in my head for it. Review lots and I'll try to find my muse. If you don't I probably won't even keep this up cause I'm writing it for you guys. Sooo review! Any type is welcome cause criticism makes me better.

God. Stupid whore is making me write another entry. What else is there to say? Didn't she have enough information to "understand" me? This is bullshit. She says I need to write about everything I did before I came here… I don't know what she wants of me. She says to write down everything that pops into my head. Guess I'll try that.

Everything started the day Mrs. Caldwell and Cecile came over to talk to me about Manchester. When Sebastian refused to help me destroy Cecile. When we made The Bet… I got his car if I won and if I lost… I had to fuck Sebastian. I would have lost my hold over him even if he didn't fall in love with blondie. I knew the only reason he still pursued me was because I'd never given in. But I thought he at least felt something for me… God it hurts so much going back and looking at it. Why is that stupid cunt making me write this Goddamn journal? If anything this is stressing me out even more. Having to re-live everything.

I can't keep going. It just hurts too damn much. God why did he have to go and fall in love with the hick Annette? Why did I have to make that stupid bet? Maybe he wouldn't have been so insistent if I hadn't. Maybe he would have given up when she left. Maybe not. He never did love me in the first place so maybe he wasn't just trying to win the bet when he chased her. Maybe he already loved her. Maybe no one will ever love me. It wouldn't surprise me. No one has yet.

God damnitt. I hate him! I hate him and Annette and Cecile and Ronald and Court and my mother and Edward and every fucking last one of them. I don't need any single fucking one of them. God why am I crying! I DON"T CARE! I hate them all!

God why can't I stop crying? Why did you do this to me Sebastian? Didn't you ever love me? No! No he didn't and I don't care. I don't care because I don't feel. I feel nothing for Sebastian. He's dead to me. He's dead…. O God Sebastian why did you do this to me? Why did you leave me? Why didn't you love me? I loved you.

NO! I feel nothing for him! He doesn't matter to me! No one does. I care about no one. I hate them all!

When I get out of here I'm getting revenge. I'll hurt everyone who had a part in this. They'll all pay for doing this to me. How dare they try to mess with me? I'm the best. They're all going to pay for messing with Kathryn Merteuil.


End file.
